The concert last night was very nice. I was pleased I went. I still think their first album has some of the strongest songwriting I'd come across in a while. It reminded me that there are utterly unique love songs out there waiting to be written, and they weren't constant "Baby baby baby I love you baby baby but you broke my heart." Baby baby baby.
I had a yuppified cheesesteak before I went, but I was craving a good sandwich and that was as good as I could find.
Also I didn't have to go alone, which was really nice. I have good friends. I think my friend had a good time, but she said "I'm like a single mom - anything to get me out of the house."
Man, I think I fall for the wrong kinda men. I go for crazy poets more than really nice and decent human beings. Assholes who can string together a sentence - I'm there. I love Cary Tennis but don't take his advice, which is, basically that we should look for the good and the achievable rather than love between space cadets. Am I allowed to be this way, since I'm young and foolish?
I've really got a think for the most socially idiotic but poetically brilliant kid right now. Bad idea!
Right now I'm craving a really elegant, warm and cozy party with my bestest friends. I think I might have to make it so! But it might have to wait until December. My weekends are rapidly getting booked. But I will string the apartment with cranberries and red stars and popcorn, and candles and good food and sweet friends will make me very happy.
2004-11-12, martha stewart on acid
I'm going to see HEM on Thursday. Joyeux. I don't mind going to concerts alone, not too much. I hope they're as good as I think they are.
Here are some other good things:
1. I got about 17 hours of comp time from working long hours this weekend. I got to come in late today - it was lovely.
2. The event I'd worked on turned out very well, with only a few minor hitches. I'm very pleased and was thanked publicly on a number of occasions.
3. Nick Cave has a new album and my friend Sarah is giving me a copy. Hoorah!
2004-11-08, grand
Today I woke up and went jogging. I strolled into work at 10:30 - I had earned the extra time working on the weekend - and I've felt so good, well rested and whole. I think the jogging is an imperative part of it.
There's an entirely unique feeling about getting enough sleep after a period of exhaustion - it's like surfacing after being held underwater. It's like being overcome with relief.
---
I'm very touched, yet a bit puzzled, when my girlfriends come to me for relationship advice. While I've been around the block, I still don't really know where I'm going.
I'm touched, but also incredibly useless, when they come teary and with problems. I just sit there and make soothing noises and say "there there." I hope that's enough.
2004-11-08, -
If I need to be, I can pretend to like people I don't. I think sometimes it's important to be insincere to grease the social wheels.
But if I just meet someone, and there's no reason for me to ever see them again, and I don't like them - they'll know it. I think I can be pretty charming with strangers if I want to be, but I can be a pretty unpleasant person.
My friend and I were talking about someone I don't like, but have to interact with to a limited degree. My friend said that she's loyal, and this is a desirable quality. My friend values people who are unquestioningly loyal. I don't.
I don't believe it's an especially desirable quality. For instance, I don't think it's attractive to be unquestionably loyal to an ideal, or a person, who isn't any good for you. I don't think it's smart or desirable to be loyal for life. Things change. Time changes people and time will change you. You reevaluate your friendships in order to tell whether or not they're really good for you.
I can be a true and devoted friend. I can stick by people when times are rough, and when it's easier to go separate ways. But I also stick up for myself, and have a strong self-preservationist streak. I'm loyal with my eyes open.
2004-11-01, loyalty
There are two reasons I wish I were married:
1. Sometimes I need help zipping up my dresses.
2. I am afraid I will fall in the shower and get a concussion and no one will be around to help me.
I guess that's the best I can come up with. Besides, of course, the breeding imperative! that's lived with me for about two years now. Penn is crawling with the cutest damn kids on the planet. Also I would like to be able to own a house.
2004-10-21, ah, the best i can come up with
the lack of love has made me liverish
2004-10-21, woe
Oh God, it's been hectic lately.
I couldn't sleep until 3am. I had a stream of visitors through my apartment, and the second-to-last visitor had black tea with me. I think it's what kept me up all night.
I've also suffered a break with reality: I've lost my rosemary plant. I have absolutely no idea where it went. My houseguests also have no idea where it went. I didn't knock it over. I didn't move it. It just disappeared.
OR IT NEVER EXISTED!!!
It's really disturbing me, actually.
My friend from Portland has left, but we had such a nice time together. I like falling asleep in the same bed as a friend, curled up and watching movies, like baby rabbits.
I sometimes think that I'll have a really hard time finding someone I find as attractive as I did Brian. On the one hand, maybe it isn't such a good thing to be so attracted to someone. Clouds your judgement.
I'm freezing right now, and am underdressed for the walk home. I ordered silk legwarmers but they haven't come yet.
2004-10-20, freezing cold
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