I just took such a big bite of an apple that I almost drowned.

2004-10-19, -

I have big-time love for hip hop. I was listening to one of my brother's mixes today, and ignored the words themselves, just listened to the meter of the delivery. I love how much energy is put into it. I love the braggadocio (usually). It's the most vibrant, lively poetry America has produced recently, I think.

Given my druthers, I listen to: De La Soul, Hieroglyphics, Blackalicious, Percee P, The Freestyle Fellowship ("physical form is forming, forming the physical is transforming"), MF Doom, Del the Funkee Homosapien, Aceyalone, Gang Starr, Dan the Automator, Tribe Called Quest, Casual.

I have the dubious honor of knowing every last lyric to Gang Starr's song "DWYCK," featuring Nice & Smooth. ("Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is / I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis.") Weirdly - since it's hard to dance to - I've heard it in two different Philadelphia clubs (one plays it almost every time I've been there - granted, that isn't too often, but still).

I am so in love with 8 pt Agenda, by Herbaliser feat. Latyrx. You should all look it up.

2004-10-18, feel the hummingbird humming

Oh good heavens. Tonight it felt so good to come home to my apartment. It felt so serene, and all mine. I'm feeling territorial.

You know, I'm not sure what's gotten into me, but I've been a bundle of paranoia ever since I moved here. Is it all that zen to worry compulsively about getting mugged, or fret over where I leave my car parked during the week? Is it really necessary for me to never wear my sexy new boots because I'm afraid that I'll have to run for long distances? To only carry a few dollars in cash if I step out of my apartment after dusk? When did I become this scared little white girl who races to lock the door behind her? I can remember staying out in Middletown until 3am, and never worrying a bit about coming home so late. (Once my parents locked me out, but usually we never locked our door.)

I think that people are following me. I think that cars are following me. It seems a bit narcissistic, maybe, to think that all these people want to bother with me.

But on the other hand, all the windows are barred, and my friend who's a longtime resident of the city never goes out by herself after dark.

I still don't like this kind of crazed paranoia, though.

2004-10-16, paranoia

before / after

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