Nothing gets me sad like the fact that no one has murder holes over their front door anymore, these days.
I'm just going to carry on like nothing ever happened.
2003-05-14, In a box, on fire
Oh, sod off.
2003-05-14, Yeah, you
Dear Tony -
I wish I had been here years ago to be a part of your tribal audience. I wish there was a poem I loved most of all that I could thank you for, in a poignant fashion, but I don't whisper to each one of my grandchildren that they are my favorite. And I don't know if thanking you is the appropriate thing to do. But know that I would be your best critic, if I could. I wouldn't be modish, or plug you into boring genres. I would be erudite and good to you, as you've been better than good to me.
2003-05-14, You write some of my favorites
And we drove, on a wet and windy road,
to the coast, to a dirty seaside town,
found a room, in a hotel by the sea,
unpacked our bags, and then she looked at me.
And 'I said, let me, let you, let me down again',
She said 'no'
'Please draw the curtains, unplug the phone
Let's mess the sheets and give our hearts a home
We are both adults, our eyes are open wide
Let's push away, the world outside'
Moving to the west end was a big, big, big mistake
We lost all our money and we got mostly heartache
Some nights she would sigh, and place her head upon my lap
And she would cry, I couldn't stop her shaking
2003-05-14, Please draw the curtains i.e. what is fucking me up
Here's a small, happy relief: I had miscalculated how much I weigh in stones. So I'm not as bad off as I thought. I was... discouraged with my original calculations. Now it doesn't feel so bad. It's still not great, but not really deeply "back where I started" feeling.
Am I allowed to write "This is the stuff of dreams for avant-garde historians (or those historians who like to pretend they're avant garde)," in my essay? Probably not.
2003-05-14, We are more avant garde than all the pretend vampires
Weight watchers was nice. It feels good to be writing down what I'm eating again. I got lost about three times on the way down, and so I had to ask for help. I've gotten over most embarrassment about these things - I have a very "What of it" kinda stare if they look at me funny.
You wanna step?
Ahhhhh. I'm sorry.
My poor body. I have gained weight. I can handle it, I think. It'll be good to get home in this regard. It's a setback, but it's nothing I can't handle. I had a bit of a "I should have done this sooner" feeling, but it's okay, I don't beat myself up over these things. That's a waste of energy.
I know I talk about this a lot. It's just on my miiiind.
2003-05-14, I'm not soooo lardy, I'm just a little lardy
I suppose my essay on poetry isn't the right place for my to vent my spasmodic rage directed at MSN Media player, is it?
Right, right, the essay. 850 words before I lay my head down to rest.
2003-05-14, But it's not okay for me to hate, I forgot
I am Margaret the Beautiful also Stupid.
That is no surprise.
My notes are covered with arrows connecting scrawled notes about "DT elegy --> W. Med. Elegy, these continue throughout career, grows to include gift, llatai poems -->anticapitalist --> characteristics, words, style, PURPOSE --> using welsh model to engage whole world - guernica cuba cymru." It's three D though! It's cahraaaazy. It was also drunk. ON LOVE!
This morning I was so lazy that I washed my hair in the sink, even though it took more effort than washing my hair in the shower. That's lazy, man.
2003-05-14, Mostly stupid
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