Who are they that shine like Apostles in a church window at midday?

Cheng and I were up late last night, talking about love and desire and sex. The man who flirts with me is probably too old. How will I feel when I am 35 and the men my age look past me towards the 20 year old women? How will I feel when I no longer have suitors (and by suitors I mean truck drivers that honk at me as I cross the street)? I don't ever want to be beyond desire. Cheng wants to be a vixen. I told her that I think she is brash (she is) and she worried this was a bad thing. I don't think so, not in her case.

Emails that begin, "For you, anything" are easily some of the most joyous things to receive. My trip to Wales has been charmed like this - I have elaborate back up plans and have needed none of them. Everything has gone perfectly according to plan, and it is beautiful.

I am very full of love right now, love for bright men, elegant women, administrators, bosses, coworkers, peers, kids, musicians, construction workers, artists, charming girls, funny boys, my most beloved collection of fine and witty people. It is overflowing my banks and overwhelming the little townspeople.

I was thinking the other day that life would not be worth living without dance. But if there was never dance, how would we ever know what we were missing? Would we sit around and feel sad, and aching for something we could not name? Maybe when that happens to us now it is because we are missing something, like dance, and we can't find it. When you are restless, maybe this is why.

2003-01-14, restless

before / after

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