This is probably too much information. Squeamish can plug their ears and whistle! Do do do do do do do ...

Man #2.5 was an awful lot of fun. An awful lot. I enjoyed him quite a bit, but when I ran into him the other day suggested that he "play solitaire." Innuendo. We were standing out in the cold, outside his dorm, talking for a long time. "It was a lot of fun," he finally admitted. "It was." We "get on" as he has put it in the past. I think I realized at some point that I could, perhaps, have had him again (I honestly don't think it's entirely true that a given man will sleep with any woman that comes his way). But I didn't really feel like it.

I've only regretted one night.

I decided, at one point, (after man #1.5, who had miraculous technique) that casual sex was alright with me as long as it was highly erotic. That was okay! That was a lot of fun! I was (more than) okay with that! Most definitely not sex with anyone, but sex with those who sparked my desire. It's been a long time since I've had an orgasm, oh sweet Jesus, but when I cwtch to a man I've been the closest I've been for about a year. Prozac has indeed killed my sex drive. Being around men definitely helps, though.

One of my friends (34, male, Bettws y Coed) told me to "go for it and stock condoms." But then he does what everyone does after they tell me to "go for it," - he told me to "be careful, because getting off with people can become addictive and is bad for your self-esteem." Which is pretty much what everyone is saying, oh I know. But I wouldn't want people to think that I'm not enjoying my sex life (most of it, anyway).

I am not okay with horribly unsexy sex, and with men who don't stay at least part of the night. Why don't you leave some money on the dresser on your way out? Cause you're makin' me feel like a hooker.

I have now had this kind of sex. And it has scared me off for a bit. It was pretty awful. I'm not going to do that again for a while.

2003-04-15, TMI

before / after

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