You know what!? Maybe I think he's weird too!

Also, I am loved! Soy amada! I want to give kisses to my beautiful friends. ("Oh, you always say that...")

When people ask me what purpose studying Welsh serves, I'm just going to say to them "What purpose does sex serve if you aren't going to make babies, huh?" I probably won't, though. Everyone's a prude here, in a kind of weird way. Like, they're bawdy, but not open about sex and pleasure.

Sometimes it's exhausting to be an American and constantly be expected to apologize for my nation.

Today I bought a bottle of orange blossom perfume. I couldn't test it, and I just stood there staring at it until the woman in Boots asked me if I needed some help. Dry mouthed, I asked if there was a tester. God, I wanted to make sure it was what I wanted. There wasn't, so I stared at it some more, then finally just bought it. I'm probably more of a lily of the valley person (and I do love perfume, really) - something lighter than orange blossom (the label says that it has sandlewood and patchouli, which are thick and heavy).

Do you know why I bought it? It's because when I was in Turkey, by the coast, every day I was overwhelmed by the smell of orange blossoms. I've tried to find that scent ever since. I have these moments of romantic consumerism. I want my bed to smell like the coast of Turkey and I'll pay what it takes.

The other day, in the car, we saw a hawk carrying its prey over the pastureland. I don't know what kind of bird it was - small and slate colored, a merlin? I don't know, I'll probably make an ass of myself if I try to guess. It was a bird of prey. Small, slight, and fast. We were driving too fast for me to identify it.

"God, I love birds of prey," I said, intensely. I said it with all of my mouth, with all of my lungs. "I love birds of prey." Did he know how deeply I said those words? How could he have, unless his hands were on my throat and my lungs were his own. God, I love birds of prey. He could not hear how it vibrated. He could not know.

2003-02-11, so you are

before / after

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