We arrived full of parcels. Chocolates and fruit for everyone! I felt magnanimous and a little bit happy. I hid my friends' Christmas presents in my closet, and we slowly unloaded my bookshelf. Almost without thinking, the Anais Nin (both of them gifts) wound up in the boxes heading northwards. I won't be able to sleep much for the next two weeks, I thought ruefully later in the evening when I realized what I had done. I consign myself to restless nights. There's a gaping hole where my bookshelf was - all those books I sometimes referenced, all those books I thumbed through when I needed to feel depressed and lonely. All those books I never had time to read.

I hung up a picture of one of my friends to mend the hole in the wall. (For those "in the know" - It's the beautiful picture of Nicholas! Mostly because he is hot, also because there's a black and white picture of a woman next to him, so they go well. Mwah! Also, because, sweetheart that he is, he assured me that books are necessary and useful things to have around. I really miss my books. My heart, it gapes. I even sent away my children's books, my beloved copy of the Hobbit and my Grimm brothers. Oh, I sigh often.)

2002-11-30, I sigh often

before / after

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