A Trivial Comedy for serious people archives

So I got this campus radio show, and I'm pretty excited about it. My faithful reader, you can listen to it all you want. It's Sunday, EST 1-2 pm. I think I start next week, so not this Sunday. The important link: www.whrcradio.com. The winamp stream is super, as I recall.

I showed up a few minutes early for training, and the fellow there was repairing a chair. I feel very much in my own as a college student. Not much fazes me, which is nice and unusual. If I had done this my freshman year, and was the first to show up for training, I might have hightailed it for the woods. I was a wimp. I now feel old enough.

It's the first semester I've taken a course at the coed school down the lane, and it's the first semester I've involved myself with extracurriculars of my own accord (the newspaper was always a sort of arm-twist deal).

So he was pretty cool, and said that he enjoyed fixing stuff after a day of physics lab but he didn't have a house so he couldn't fix up that in his spare time. I said "Well, you could always vacuum?" Oh so lame.

This is unrelated, but we read these poems for one of my classes, and we talk often about the difficult connection between love of yourself and love of another. It's hard for me to parse out the psychology of this. My professor is adorable - she gestures with her glasses high in the air and said "FREUD THOUGHT SO!" Id est: that Freud thought Narcissus was a very essential character in the love-narrative. Falling in love with someone else is mostly falling in love with yourself.

Someone can tell me that they think very poorly of me, and it doesn't really throw me for a loop. I know this because it's happened often enough. But I guess I don't really believe them. I'm not distractedly in love with myself, but I stare in the glass and trace my face and my hair and my thoughts. I know that I am capable of harsh things but I also know that I feel mostly in control of those impulses (especially when they're medicated).

I think I'd make a good subject of love, frankly. I have self love down to a fault. Today I felt downright beautiful, walking to the coed campus down the lane, during a sublimely cool and sunny September day. I talk to myself as I walk, all animation and life.

I think I'd like to fall in love. I think it'd be good for me. My friends laugh and talk often about this, we map out our ideal partners, we ask one girl to be the "supplier of men". Oh, and sometimes when we're walking around campus, one of my friends will shout "HEY, there are some MEN!" Tactful we aren't.

Ah, maybe it will work out someday. I sometimes live for the day when men don't need to be supplied.

2002-09-12, love and radio

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