My honey loves, I'm feeling entirely unrepentant right now. I am buoyed by good letters and good visits, and feel solid again. I am improper, and a bit corrupt but I am ever radiant. Maybe Sue and I are weird about sex, but I am so happy not to be weird alone. I said to her at one point "I thought I wanted a boyfriend, because that's what people do, they have boyfriends."

Sue's had a couple of boyfriends, long term ones at that, but she only said she loved two of them ("And once was because he told me first.") She doesn't really want one right now. I think I wanted someone to warm the bed more than that but I thought it was the only option: devotion!

It's just a relief to think that my town turned out two girls like us who aren't entirely very different from each other. I felt like I was talking to myself some of the time, and it was just a relief. While we catalogued the boys we had led on by making out with them, Sue just said "You know, sometimes it's just a nice thing to do..." And it is, indeed, and you know what? Everyone can blow me.

As for getting what I want out of things, I think I am with a single notable exception.

But I haven't had sex in a while (since before easter!) though I've been offered on a few occasions I just wasn't particularly taken with the offerees.

2003-05-27, I am all right

before / after

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