Good morning, good morning.
When we walk, we talk about the responsibilities of the reader and the responsibilities of the author. You owe me something, we say to authors, but sometimes we have to do legwork.
I am a very understanding person, or at least I try to keep myself in check enough to be so, but sometimes I am just overwhelmed with selfishness. My friends call my universe Margocentric.
One night she came back from work and her eyes were lit up. She looked at me and spoke with the most sincere and profound wholeness in her voice. "I love my job," she said, and I could tell she wasn't just making noise, or talking to hear her voice (like I do all the time) but it was real and true. My heart smiled. There's a way she moves when she is so deeply sincere and I keep the memory of it with me. I have an emotional locket, it's where I store these things.
My real locket is for me (although "it hath ben othrewise"). Inside I keep reminders of myself.
At the self help meeting which I attend weekly we were asked to make a list of the nice things people say about you. Some of the women said "I can come up with nothing." Some of the women said "I don't believe these things."
Later when I talked to her about this, she said "You just need moderation. You shouldn't believe all the things people say about you, but it's still a good thing for people to say that they love you."
My list was long but I only shared my favorite descriptor ("little rich dessert"). People like me, and I like me (sometimes - or perhaps my essential core, I often don't like the things I do.) But modesty demands that I keep it secret.
When I was sitting on her bed, and crying some, I said "I hope you don't think that because I have put so much effort into these people, these online friends, that it's because I'm not happy with you, because I love, I am loved (I pointed to my pin that said as much) but I love." She smiled and leaned her head against me and laughed and cried and said "We never ever doubted that."
2002-11-18, All I really wanna do is, baby, be friends with you
before / after
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