School, calculus, Words. Contain your excitement.
Last night I went to bed without writing a journal entry or really finishing my Calculus. I'm aiming for a fifty on the calculus assignment. It's alright with me, I'm sick of calculus and if I had stayed up until eleven I wouldn't have gotten any more of it done. It was skipping the journal entry that irked me. The entire night I had a welling desire to write a journal entry, and I thought; "If I go to bed now, I won't have to put up with myself whining about journal entries." There was no way I'd do calculus work while my head really wanted to write a journal entry.I looked at the clock all day, and was hungry for it. I want time, I want to be able to read all the books I want to read, write all the journal entries and letters I want to write. I lust for time.
I wonder if it would be so traumatic if I only worked in school on the things I wanted to work on. I'm learning that I will work, and work quite hard, if the topic interests me. I'm throwing myself into my current english assignment because the topic fascinates me and I'm excited about it. Is it such a crime if I don't have any enthusiasm whatsoever in science? I've given science a chance. I am, after all, the product of two geologists. I read dinosaur books as a kid. I despised the subject because of some bad teachers, but even with the best teachers science escapes me. With math, I can usually reason problems out. I can follow patterns. It's logical and self contained. There's something about physics problems, though, that drives me mad. There's just too much to take into account.
You can't look at one physics problem, and solve another similar one the same way. I don't think I have this is a problem with my thinking: I am human (really.), I am capable of complex thought when it comes to English, History, or Latin. Something about physics drives me mad; the distilling of movement down to equations, and then adding in crazy factors and qualifiers and exceptions. It's just too much to take into account.
---
At any rate, news from the margaret-sphere:
Still no kitten. I wonder if I will write that, "Still no kitten." until we know certainly what happened to him.
Foster added a new section to his website and told me in school today that the graphic is "hot." I'll have to check it out.
I realized with horror yesterday that I've only been taking half the valium prescribed to me - I'm supposed to take it twice a day. Evil, evil pill, and it saps the life out of me. I refuse to take it more than once a day, before I go to bed.
I'm reading through earthsea, which I read as a child. I had memories of this book, but I didn't know Ursula Le Guin wrote "The Tombs of Atuan" until I started to read "Language of the Night," (the fantastic essays that they are).
---
I feel like I've a sort of percarious balance right now, and it doesn't take much to knock me off. I had a wonderful day at school yesterday (spent it actually learning!) and at the very end my guidance counselor came up to talk to me. My parents had suggested applying to a Sure Thing college, and we decided on Kenyon. I know nothing about this school, except that my parent's think it's a Sure Thing. And that is why I am applying - it's a Sure Thing. That is the only reason I am applying.
My guidance counselor came up to me in the hallway and said "Margaret, you may want to reconsider. Kenyon's highly selective." And I burst into tears. My day, so perfectly balanced, lost its sense of gravity. I started blubbering - I don't want to go to a large school, I don't want to go to a state school. And calmed down (or deadened myself) and let myself be led down the hall to the guidance office.
---
I find myself staring down some email. I always feel completely inept and incapable of formulating some sort of response, until I start digging into it and working my way through it. Email is fantastic stuff. (margaret's realization of the day.) Moldy email bugs me, but I have a letter sitting in my outbox that I will never finish, and I'm ok with that. It's really the only time I've ever let an email go. (sometimes I'm afraid to show my face online - update my site or something - if I haven't replied to an email. neurotic!)
---
I have a crush on my calculus teacher. He's so wonderfully dorky, and so wonderfully sweet. Every time I wonder "Why am I taking calculus" (I like it more than physics, but then, not by much.) he reminds me. Oh sure, he's a wonderful teacher, but he's really a wonderful person. (sigh) And he's so nerdy! Really, its impossible to write down all the hysterically funny things he says, because without that midwestern accent they're not too funny. My personal favourite was the Ted Danson Response. (is it danson or dansen? my brain is fried.)
Ted Dansen was in town cause his daughter attends Wesleyan, and some kids saw him at Friendly's. Really, relating this story to my Calculus teacher was absurdist and funny as it was, but the calculus teacher said "My. That's a famous person, so that's good."
He's oh so kind. And he's oh so married. And he's into math! And he tells wonderful stories! And he's already got a baby girl, so you know, if you married him he could handle children. Too bad he had to get married for the rest of us to find that out.
(haha.)
---
Ok, this is by far the coolest thing I did all day. Fun! To amuse ourselves during the most horrendous History class, we made up word lists. The ones that sound good in your throat, those kinds of words. And we got to cross off words from eachother's columns. Wonderful way to pass the time.
my words:
luminous
spark
quip
glib
oscillate
translucent
cabin
clean
cellar
orient
glass
lungs
voodoo
sweater
screen
moist
reduce
honey
pain
repose
summer
blood
calm
gasp
swoon
fish
swim
whale
solstice
iris
lily
blood
pure
(this is when it started getting nasty)
thorn
moan
twist
youth
cross
thick
(she didn't get the chance to cross out the following, and they were just cause of her "jewel" and "ignite")
lies
death
darkness
gloom
exhaustion
becca's words:
ink
mango
sway
muse
gentle
gospel
blue
surreal
knowledge
angst
precious
bright
bear
ginger
lake
dew
boots
sincere
villa
triple
bunch
betray
ignite
jewel
sparkle
envy
snuggle
passion
2000-01-06, School stuff, Calculus stuff, Email stuff, Margaret-news
before / after archives / website / hello book / diaryland