Let's see, it's been about a month and a half.

In the intervening time, I found out what it's like to experience holidays as a quasi-adult. I threw a party, which was exhausting in its preparation but I think people had a good time. I've never cooked so much in my life, and I don't think I'm ever going to do it again. Or, I'll do it in a different way. I wound up oven-fried and irritable.

I think people had a good time, anyway.

I got tired of travelling. The drive back and forth between CT and Philadelphia is grueling, not because it's long, but because it's a 4 hour drive that could take 6 or more. It's psychologically draining. Now all I want to do is crawl into the cocoon of my apartment.

My brother and I don't hang out anymore. I don't know what happened. My mom only snapped at me once during Christmas. My dad got unbelievably sloshed - I was afraid he'd fall down the stairs. I do care about my family. They could be considerably more dysfunctional.

I think, sometimes, that when painful things happen, it's like they leave scars. And sometimes it's very hard not to run your fingers across the scars. White and puffy and shiny. Sometimes they throb in bad weather.

2005-01-04, help me forget about these hard times

before / after

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