I'm such a freakish morning person.
At night, I like to drive on the backroads. Lately there have been a few songs I've listened to as I drive past the snowy fields and the sleepy houses. One is "the swimmer" by Sleater Kinney.
On the land, her body distorts
In the water, lines are true to her mind
I can hardly see you now
Are you getting closer and
Do you know you're the one?
They will never understand
How washed up you feel on the land...
It's such a simple song but I always find it really affecting.
I dyed my hair last night. It looks really good. It suits me. I feel really pretty lately.
Sometimes when I'm watching a lot of movies I feel like I'm chipping away at my life in two hour chunks. But then I enjoy it, and that's enough for me. I watched Igby goes down, and am not sure how I feel about it. I'll have to think about it. I think I liked it, but I think its success depends on how much you believe in the world of the Upper West Side. But I guess, I mean, maybe I have some experience with this. I'm somewhat familiar with rich families with drug and mental health and sex skeletons just barely locked in the closet - I suppose plenty of people are.
I don't know what I'm going to do today. Last night I tried to talk to my friend about my thesis. I think I finally hit on the problem with it. I said "I think I'm going to be doing original interpretation, but it's not going to be original research." I don't know if this will still count. God, I feel paralyzed.
2004-01-15, float unharmed by murky wars
Lambs always look like they're deflated when they're sleeping. Last night my cat looked like someone let all the air out of him, too. It's pretty freakin' adorable.
2004-01-14, i love my cat
My cat very rarely sleeps on my bed, though I try to get him to all the time. I coax him, and I bring him up to my room every night. Usually he just stays until I fall asleep, which is nice, but I wish he'd sleep the night with me.
Anyway, I got tired about ten am this morning (what is wrong with me?) after being up for two hours, so I grabbed the kitten and crawled into bed. I read for a while, and fell asleep while it snowed outside, and my cat dozed with me. It was a beautiful way to spend my day, even if I happened to be asleep.
I've been doing nothing and feel very unaccomplished, but at the same time am really enjoying myself so, meh. I have done some stuff. I've been writing to my friends from Wales, I've been exercising, I've been reading Al Franken's book. Good enough for government work, as Steph says.
The Daily Show just had a hilarious segment on canning. "So if you want to enjoy delicious fruits and vegetables year round... you can! Or jar!" That's some brilliant writing, there.
I used to dress up my cat in a tutu.
I'm considering taking Modern II next semester. I hope I can handle it.
2004-01-13, 2000mph girl
The other day I said to my dad "You know, I'm so relaxed these days."
He gave me this look that just screamed "I cannot be happy for you for I am never relaxed and you're making no money this j-term, you spoiled princess child."
The house is really truly strange without my brother here. It's like I get a glimpse of what their lives are like without either of their children in highschool. There's something strangely quiet about it.
My best friend is going to England for Spring Break, and I'd love to but by being so financially irresponsible I'm not going anywhere over spring break. Not Mexico. Not Wales. Not nowhere.
We had wanted to go to Mexico, actually, but I think that isn't going to happen since Steph's parents said that they couldn't take their car any further than they're willing to push it home. I don't really want to push home a Plymoth caravan from Juarez, so yeah, that got killed. Plus without alternative substances, I don't think we could even get to Mexico in five days. ("How long did it take Dad to get to Mexico?" "Three days, but he was stoned!")
Next semester I should be just focusing on my work. Just try not to get distracted.
I think my mother's losing it. Does this mean I'll also lose it? There's something frantic about her, high pitched and fragile.
Jacqui, I had totally forgotten about the dove! Also I made a whale.
2004-01-11, it is two thirty am
A lot of times I sit back and think about my craftish hobbies, and think "Man, I never finish everything, there was so much I bought fabric for and never finished, there are dead-end projects all over the place." Then I realized that I'm being stupid, because I've finished tons!
Here's a list of things I've made since I started getting crafty (um, sophomore year I believe):
Orange skirt with lace trim
Red knit skirt with side slit
Mermaidesque skirt for Becca
Purse for Ariel, red black and white with crazy ladies.
Purse for me, with patchwork pocket
Bag out of blue ticking
1 black sheep
1 pink oliphaunt
May day dress
lacetrimmed slipcover for a pillow
alpaca wool hat
See? There. That's a lot.
2004-01-08, and there are probably some I'm forgetting
The days are slipping away from me far too quickly.
I don't think I have anything to say, honestly. I've spent my days really deeply relaxed, and I just feel an overarching sense of calm. I haven't touched my thesis books, though.
I had a great salad the other day. Lots of olives.
My dad made fantastic pork chops last night. He knows how to cook pork chops: lot of salt in the pan to start, butter and olive oil to cover the pan, chops not too crowded, high high heat, seven inches each side. We have a great italian deli nearby where the meat is amazingly good.
I've been drinking pints of coke all day. I'm going to be a bit buzzed tonight, I think.
I don't think I can do anything quietly. I think I always have this impulse to shout from the rooftops, and it's really hard to rein in. Right now, I feel like getting a loudspeaker and letting everyone know that I feel amazingly good and whole and at ease.
My brain's all mushy lately. My spelling's gone down the drain, which is something I always find deeply humiliating.
2004-01-07, love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you
before / after
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