I am not a lightweight.

There have been a number of occasions where I have extricated myself from situations that were making me unhappy. I have never been one to sit around and wait for things to get better. I have always been one to make it so. I have always taken care of myself. I have always taken my emotions seriously. I know I sound like a self help book, because I often refuse to list specifics, or already have in the past here. So you just have to believe me when I say that I am capable of handling my emotional health, no matter what I do, or what happens to me.

Here's an abbreviated list, though:

- I have weathered the falling out of my parents.

- I have very deliberately refused bitterness in the face of less than ideal family relations.

- I have handled my spurned proposals to several men with aplumb and good nature.

- I have moments of gutsiness with my parents. I confronted them about their lack-of-love my senior year of highschool. I had a very arrogant, beautiful, tremblingly brave, so-what attitude about my lovely pictures of myself in a bra. I told them about my internet friends. I do what I am afraid to do with them.

- I moved out on my first roommate without the support of my parents. I moved into a new hall with six weeks left of my freshman year.

- I have hauled my tear sodden self to therapy on a number of occasions, have sought help when I needed it, have never been too proud to refuse support from friends.

- When I wasn't happy with Bryn Mawr, I up and left.

It's not that I've had a hard row to hoe, or anything like that. But it is that I think I have enough mettle to deal with myself. Steph thinks I'm a lightweight because I take things hard. She says I sound like all of her friends who have fucked up their lives. But in the end, I swear to God, I take care of myself. I always do. I always have. I don't fuck around.

2003-05-01, sterner stuff

before / after

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