Punching like luncheon

Maybe I'm a freak in terms of aesthetics, but some pictures of my friends that I think are really truly beautiful and wonderful, they hate. Like, not just "it's an odd expression," but "it's a reflection of some grotesque flaw in my anatomy. I am a freak of nature and therefore do not deserve love."

It is the most frustrating exercise.

"I have a huuuge jaw."

"That's not true and I think you're beautiful."

"Then I have this flap of skin underneath my huuuuuge jaw."

"Honestly, I'm not friends with ugly people."

"I have a low ass!"

"I don't think such a thing even exists."

"I have these lines on my face..."

"Look, they're called muscles and I'd be worried for you if you didn't have them. I'm going to punch you in your fucking beautiful face and it won't be so pretty then, now will it?"

Look, they're not masculine and they're not freakish women. I've never wanted to hug her (then hurt her) so badly before. I have many thousands of unflattering pictures. Dear lord, it isn't hard to take an unflattering picture. Bad light, shot from below, blurry, etc. And it's also not hard to take a very flattering picture that looks absolutely nothing like you.

Personally, I really appreciate a truly unflattering photo. It's hilarious. It doesn't mean you're an ugly human being with a blackened and gooey soul.

Someone's gonna get a punch in the face.

---

Tonight I watched Rebecca and fell for Lawrence Olivier. I'm not living in a fantasy land, right? P.S. if subverting the patriarchy means behaving like Rebecca, I'd have none of it. Nevertheless, the whole "don't grow up" and "little girl ingenue" was slightly repelling. Nevertheless, Olivier was swoonworthy. He loved The Nameless One even though she grew up.

I want to be proposed to in the manner of movies from the 40's.

2002-12-16, punch

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