A Trivial Comedy for serious people archives

I like this picture heaps. My cat is so fat! My tree is so fat! It's wonderful.

I love Philadelphia oh so much. I had a super time, all told. Got a great haircut, had fabulous fun with Ms. Steph. Saw fireworks, kissed friends, hugs were received, movies were watched, arts were crafted.

2004-01-02, glad to be home though

I'm leaving tomorrow, early, for Philadelphia. I'll be visiting Steph, and won't have much internet access.

She's happy and excited, and it's certainly infectious - as though I weren't psyched to begin with. She said on the phone "I start laughing like you when you call! I sound maniacal!" I said "Watch out for those young bloods in Italy, they'll mock you senseless."

We should have a helluva lot of fun.

2003-12-28, philly phanatics

Upon reflection, the only reason you should live with me is because I'm not afraid of grossness. Being gross is also my main comedic bit! And how I let girls know I "like" them!

God, it's all I got going for me.

So I've been listening to The Day that Thatcher Dies with a half-smile on my face. The chorus of kids at the end makes me really quite happy.

2003-12-26, Anyway

Hello friends of mine.

Christmas wasn't so bad this year. It's frenzied, but mom always chills out when people arrive and the house gets trashed. I got some really great gifts, and my own were well appreciated. I ate until I was sick, so yeah. That's that.

Here are the two best reasons to live with me:

1. I'm not afraid of bugs, not one bit. I will kill cockroaches, I will catch wasps with my bare hands, eastie beasties don't faze me, spiders don't bother me. You don't need Orkin, or a man, you need me.

2. If your dog defecates in an upstairs bathroom, I'll take care of it without telling anyone. I'm not scared of fecal matter. I figure, I'm not thrilled or anything, but if I don't clean this up, someone else will have to. So if not me, then who else?

Bonus reason: I'm tall enough to reach the silver on the top shelf.

Anyway, there are a lot of reasons not to live with me (the state I left my room at BMC in!) but I think these are at least moderately redeeming.

2003-12-26, bugs

Grouches of the world unite!
Stand up for your grouchly rights!
Don't let the sunshine spoil the rain
Just stand up and complain
(heh heh heh)

Let this be the grouches' cause:
Point out everybody's flaws!
Something is wrong with everything
Except the way I sing!

You know what's right with this world?
Nuttin!
You know what gets me hot under the collar?
You name it!
And the next time some goody-two-shoes smiles and tells you to have a nice day, just remember:

Don't let the sunshine spoil the rain,
Just stand up and complain!
Just stand up and complain!

2003-12-24, Grouch anthem

Bore da.

The sky is the strangest shade of pale pink. Pale pink with a tiny bit of grey. It's drizzling. I have a lot to do today.

We're very fond of The Grey Havens ourselves.

Merry Christmas. Nadolig Llawen.

2003-12-24, Cyfarchion cynnes

I'm feeling rather thoughtful and morose right now.

When I think about the past four years, it's hard not to feel overwhelmed with a sense of deep shame about things I've said and done.

I'm deeply ashamed of some of the academic work I've done - even though my thesis advisor told me that "your ideas are changing, you shouldn't be embarrassed." I still am, though. I feel like I should have more... constancy to me. I feel like I shouldn't change my mind so frequently.

I read somewhere that the best academic writing has a solid understanding of the way humans work, and interact with their environments, and the multiple nature of human motives. And I think that a lot of things I've written for school have not been that at all.

I don't know, I don't know.

2003-12-23, these few years

In some ways, when I think back on this semester (and especially when I read my entries prior to it) I think that I had to get those things out of my system. I had to crash and burn to realize that I need to figure out who I am, first and foremost, rather than worry about who I am with. I told my friend Cheng that I wasn't going to get involved with anyone next semester, and she said not to put that pressure on myself, but just not to put any effort into looking for someone. The thought alone is a bit exhausting. But I feel pretty good these days.

Pop psychology interlude over, I'm going to be sewing a black dog. I make yellow dogs usually, but I have some fuzzy black fabric that I want to use. Last night my mom discovered the mess I had made in the guest room, and I heard her sigh (angrily) my name. Oh well.

I want to get it perfect. It's an awkward pattern, but I think I probably can get it more perfect than I have in the past.

I really enjoy sewing. I like the problems it presents, and I like the process of overcoming them. I like setting aside a project, and by the time I come back to it I know exactly what to do. I like letting my head work things out when I'm not paying attention - isn't that considerate?

---

These words are all I have
These words are all I am

I've been doing this journal for about four years now. I feel a bit reflective about it. I can't read my very early entries without laughing hysterically, or averting my eyes. They feel very strange to me - not to mention deeply embarrassing. I like the entries from last year, except I know I'm putting forth a very specific version of myself - even more so then.

How can I tell who I am if I create something about my life which doesn't feel like it's entirely me?

I don't know what to make of it, except that I'm glad I have this record.

She's worried, she's worried, she's worried she said too much.
I'm talking, I'm talking, she's talking like books I read.
It's easy, it's easy, it's easy to shut yourself off.
Never on the record, it'll never show
She wants to be, to be, to be anonymous.

2003-12-23, I sign, I sign, I sign anonymous

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